Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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