I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize