Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
