Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize