How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
