Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
