Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
