Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
