Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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