I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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