We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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