So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
