so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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