i would punch a child for taco bell
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
