goodnight i made you a song goodbye
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
