Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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