Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
