Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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