why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize