so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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