JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
