They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
