My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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