those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
