Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
