Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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