Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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