I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
