did you get engaged???
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
