Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
