i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You ate ashes out of my bong
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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