so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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