phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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