She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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