haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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