apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
last night I used snow as a chaser
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
