I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
