hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
