Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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