I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
