I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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