Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
love makes seman taste better
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Randomize
