I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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