Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Randomize
