do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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