Swine flu. Run for my life!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Randomize
