Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
