I CAN MOONWALK!
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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