I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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