I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
