then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
