i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
