I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
