So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
