So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
