You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
