Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
