Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
