Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize