ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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