i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Randomize
