I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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