Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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