Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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