I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
