There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
