when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
