Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
