Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize