Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
