3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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