I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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