the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
