you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
