My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
organizing the empties. That sober.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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