I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
