So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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