Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
